Hi. After my intentions of getting back to the grind failed and another month passed with few updates from me, I feel it’s time to have a real conversation. Consider this a letter from a friend whom you lost touch with along the way.
During the last four months, I’ve published a total of eight blog posts. My ideal schedule is three blog posts per week, so clearly something isn’t adding up. There isn’t a neat and tidy answer to why I’ve pulled back from blogging. Completely lame excuse, but it really has been busy. I struggle to manage my time and even more so, manage my mental health. I fell into an old mindset and unhealthy habits and I’m still climbing out. More recently, life has been emotionally exhausting and filled with uncertainty. It seems that everyone close to me is going through a time of transition (myself included). It is incredibly overwhelming, but oddly reassuring and affirms now is the time for change.
Sometimes I wish I could freely share details of my life. Though it seems a bit ironic considering I have this blog dedicated to my interests, I’m a rather private person, so I’m hesitant to share even when I’m so inclined because it’s out of my comfort zone. Beyond that, I’m an emotional sponge so a lot of issues plaguing me aren’t even mine and I certainly don’t want to showcase others’ personal lives. Sharing online is a tricky one. It’s what forms the connection between you and me, but where’s the line? Not knowing what I’m comfortable sharing, what you will respond well to and what is worth making public wears me down and prevents me from even attempting to be less curated blogger and more real live human.
In case you couldn’t tell, there’s been a lot of reflection and introspection as of late. Taking a step back from pushing out blog posts allowed me to reflect on my place online. Do you ever want to do something so right that you end up doing it all wrong? That’s how I feel about my presence online. Though I know perfection is unachievable, I still obsess over it and I want to be the perfect little blogger all the time. Not only is holding that standard unhealthy and counterproductive, it’s made me boring. I’ve realized that a lot of my content is watered down to appeal to a larger audience. I put myself in a box and now I feel stifled in my own creation.
I still love my blog and connecting with you all. That hasn’t changed at all. I still love writing and taking photographs and have a mile long list of ideas. It’s the unreasonable goals, unnecessary deadlines, doubt, criticism and elusive contentment that put a damper on my corner of the internet and my life. So I’m going to give myself some freedom and try to just have fun here again. Maybe it will be weird and maybe you won’t like it, but maybe it will be fucking rad and you’ll love it.
Whether or not you’re a blogger, I’m sure some if not all of you have struggled with these issues, so it felt worth talking about it. It’s so easy to observe someone online and assume they have everything together and their life in order. I’m guilty of that on the daily. It’s not true though, certainly not of me. I encourage you to take a step back and check in with yourself. Consider what’s working, what’s not and remember that even when it feels bad, change is okay.
Thanks for reading,